From Tower Moments To Transformation: Healing, Spiritual Awakening & Breaking Limiting Beliefs With Ruhi Drysdale

Nov 1

“If you're not failing, you're not living. If you're not fucking it up, you're not living. If you're not royally, just so confused and lost a couple of times. Are you really living?

This Is Soul Therapy, Episode 29

SHOW NOTES:

In this episode of Soul Therapy, I dive deep into insightful conversations with my guest, the amazing Ruhi Drysdale from the podcast Randomly Ruhi. Together, we explore the intricate tapestry of our spiritual journeys and the powerful healing that comes from confronting our limiting beliefs.

We engage in a heartfelt discussion about the tower moments in our lives—those significant upheavals that force us to reassess our paths. We emphasize the necessary time in the void, that transformative space where we undergo introspection and growth, ultimately becoming the person who can truly receive what we are trying to manifest.

Through sharing personal stories and insights, we explore how tarot cards like the Two of Swords and The Hermit play a significant role in our personal growth, symbolizing the challenges and introspection we face on our journeys. We also reflect on the profound impact of soul cohorts—those special connections that guide us through transformative experiences, whether they be traumatic events or health scares.

This episode emphasizes the necessity of embracing life's challenges and stepping beyond our comfort zones. We highlight the importance of genuine passion, community support, and inner reflection as essential elements for achieving both personal and financial stability.

Tune in to discover how these themes can inspire you on your journey of healing and transformation!

Jennifer: Welcome back. It's another episode of this is soul therapy. And I'm so excited because this week we're having a candid conversation with my dear friend about spirituality, healing, dark nights of the soul. Ruhi is the host of a new podcast. Yes, you've got a podcast out called Randomly Ruhi.
Ruhi: Really random, but deep
Jennifer: I was going to say it's random, but there's depth with it. And that is what I value most about our conversations is that they are not totally linear, but they always, they have a thread and a through line and they go very deep
and I always start my episodes with a reading to guide the conversation.
So this might be interesting to be like, what does the universe want us to talk about today?
Ruhi: Yeah.
Jennifer: What I've got here is the two of swords. So the two of swords is when you have a blind spot of things that you're like You're not seeing and you're not considering and you're not you're like la la la la la [00:01:00] la la like you're like this is my reality and you're not aware of like all these other things that are going on and the two swords is what kind of causes people to like to freeze and to not move forward because they've got the blindfold on and they're stuck there and they're like, Nope, do not pass go do not collect 200.
What comes up in my mind when I see this is like limiting beliefs.
Ruhi: yeah,
Jennifer: did an episode about limiting beliefs, which I really appreciate it because we had this big conversation. Maybe we'll start there. I don't know for you, but it's been a wild month for me in terms of like having the blindfold taken off and seeing things differently and then being like, I can't unsee that and seeing. how limiting beliefs have played out in my life or are playing out or how they become like, like a rat king, you know, when the rats, all their tails get connected and they're like this big ball, how they become this, like bigger than a limiting belief, but a worldview almost.
That's what comes to my mind with this. What do you think of when you see the two of [00:02:00] swords?
Ruhi: It's that combined with the inability to know that things are happening, even though you also can't see them like my limiting beliefs, like they're there for me to address and figure out, also there's stuff happening where I'm like, I'm like, okay, I, I don't know what's happening, but also I'm not trusting the process.
And I'm just frustrated because I can't see what's happening. And so that's the frustration of like. Oh, there's more beyond me that is occurring. Because I think when we do have, and it all ties together when we're, our limiting beliefs pop up we're having moments of like, I can't see that clearly, or. Choosing not to whatever it is. I think a part of the stuckness and a part of not moving forward not believing that there's more happening outside of yourself.
Jennifer: The bigger picture.
Ruhi: see. Yeah. And I always liken it to our [00:03:00] worldview is like looking through the eye of a needle and everything else that you don't see is all the behind the scenes. But I believe our view can get a little bit bigger and bigger and bigger, the more we like, like you said, the more things become clear and, oh, I've seen that. I can't unsee it.
Jennifer: I mean, there's so much that can sort of blind us. Like I think
the two of swords is all about, you're not moving, like you're stagnant in your life and you're stuck because you're either not seeing something or something is completely obscuring your vision to an opportunity. Or you're just like, I don't want to deal with this.
Right. Like I can come up when people are like, I don't want to deal with my shit. I don't want to change. I don't want to blah, blah, blah. And there's different processes of removing the blindfold. I'm thinking about how we often set goals that we're working on, cause we think there's something that we can achieve. We're not aware of like these bigger, bigger batter, bigger, badass type goals that are available to us because we think like, Oh, that's not for me.
Like [00:04:00] it's not even within. Within our worldview. But once you like start to sort of go through a process and see what's really under there, like everything changes.
Ruhi: Either we don't want to see it or it's almost like we see it, it'll change everything. And I'm not ready for my life to be changed or I'm not ready for everything to be like thrown and upside down.
And then I don't know, what do I do if that happens? Like to, I have, I mean, I know like recently we've both gone through this, but it's like being too afraid to admit something to ourselves. Like that's been interesting, but then once we let it out, like, Oh my God, it's almost like, it's almost like you hit the cap on whatever was in there and it just like burst open.
Like you opened that and it's just flowing now I know for me, a part of that was. My coaching business there was some like deep gut feeling within me where I was like, I don't know why this doesn't feel right, but I [00:05:00] really want to do it.
You know, like mentally and like what makes logic. I want to do this, but it just physically, it didn't feel right. And of course, we're learning to listen to our physical cues all the time. Now, not sometimes, not maybe, or, Oh, I wonder what that is. I'll just ignore it. um, That kind of opened this whole thing moving forward. And with that, it was the beliefs that I, I know one of them was the core foundation of not being enough, which was weird because I think very highly of. So like, if you ever meet me or see me, you know, I'm very confident and very outspoken, all these things, but I didn't know.
So I worked on like this bundle of being enough and I didn't know there were other areas maybe it wasn't. As worked on as it should have been. and I say that [00:06:00] because I think we're so focused when we're healing and we're going through our limiting beliefs, we think, Oh, that was it. we forget there might've been a different incident or other foundational things that led to that feeling that had nothing to do with.
But personally it was knowing that I was pursuing things and being more of like that scarcity mindset because I thought I would make other people's burdens less if I was more financially successful. And
Jennifer: Hmm.
Ruhi: I was doing things for them prevent
Jennifer: Interesting.
Ruhi: or working through their financial stuff. Yeah. Instead of my, Oh, like, instead of being like, no, like whatever you do, I am a true believer that your passion and what you decide to do will bring in the energetic money, right?
Like you'll just, it'll flow. Like we're, we're all here believing that. And if you're listening to this, you'll probably believe that too. Otherwise, Welcome to believing it. But, [00:07:00] but for me it was like, it was very, um, and see now my nose. Thank you. Spiritual nose itch. Okay. If we
Jennifer: I was gonna say, you get your itchy nose, I get my burps when something's coming in. It's gonna be good.
Ruhi: Sometimes I will pause my podcast and itch my nose for like five whole minutes. Uh, it's ridiculous. But with that being said, I was like, Oh my gosh, I am trying to like heal or live people's journeys or make them not uncomfortable with money
Jennifer: Hmm.
Ruhi: putting that pressure on me. And so there was pressures to make money pressures to bring in that for them instead of me creating and removing that, right.
So that was one that really, and that is one that also helped motivate me to get out of coaching. Cause I was like, that's, I don't want to do that. Yeah.
Jennifer: no more coaching, because I did the same thing where I was like. When I first left teaching and I was like, I went straight into coaching [00:08:00] and I was doing business coaching and it was all about like that, that, that hustle and grind and like how to master Instagram and how to make like social media love you and how to be the same and do all the same steps and do everything right.
So that you make money and blah, blah, blah. And eventually that led to like an existential crisis, I'm interested when you put the nail in the coffin on coaching because, one of my beliefs is that we have like soul families, okay. Or soul cohorts, meaning like, so families are like your people that are like, I'm going down to earth. I'm going to teach you this. I'm going to come in at this point and I'm going to help you with this and blah, blah, blah.
But your cohort is like. You know what I mean? Like you're graduating class of like these people that go down to earth to learn a certain thing. And what I find is there are people in your life that when you look at what you've gone through, your timeline is very similar. And like we had a similar timeline where we were like in contact and then we both kind of went, Off contact, like didn't talk to each other for quite a while.
And both were going through like a bunch of challenging shit, right. And growth and then sort of came back.
Ruhi: [00:09:00] That is so funny because this was so officially like saying it out loud and admitting it to myself would have been just the end of the summer, right?
Jennifer: Yeah.
Ruhi: I remember taking like three or four months off last spring. was like I had some health scares, like nothing. Nothing life threatening, but I knew that my future self would appreciate if I got my health under control. I started focusing on me, which meant I wasn't putting any energy into my business at all. I was like, Nope, I'm more important. Like I just am. So. That was about three or four months where I just focused on me. And then I tried to kind of come back to it. And that's when I was like, Oh, I'm going to jump in and do this.
I have, um, I have experience doing it in my corporate realm. I was like, I'm going to do this and it's going to go great. And that lasted all of, a couple weeks. Cause I was like, no, you're doing it again.
It took a long [00:10:00] period of me doing nothing and kind of resetting. And like, like you said, your worldview has to shift because all of a sudden you're like, wait, what do I want?
Jennifer: I'm looking at this two of swords lady, and this is like when you're shut off to the knowing, like you're shut off to, The intuition and you're shut off to the nudges from the universe and you're shut off for whatever reason, like we're shut off, like we said, for fear or for limiting beliefs or just like shitty patterns that are keeping us stuck.
And life has a funny way of forcing you to look at that shit. Like you were saying you had some health issues that you had to work through. And there's this saying where it's like. What pushes people into like a spiritual awakening or like midlife awakening.
I don't like saying midlife crisis because I don't think it's a crisis, but they say it's , death, divorce or diagnosis. Where the universe like bitch slaps you in the head and you're like, okay, I have to sort of deal with my shit.
And from my own 2022 was my year where it was like death, death diagnosis, like all sorts of crap where it was just like tower, tower, tower moment, tower moment, stuff falling [00:11:00] apart, stuff falling apart. We're like the universe was literally like, we're gonna rock everything that exists and break it.
So you have nothing and you're standing in the rubble and then you have to like, look at this stuff and you have to deal with it. It's not comfy.
not comfortable the universe will dial up the heat until you listen.
So it's like, imagine you're sitting on a gas cooker or something. And it's like, Toasty. You feeling it yet? No. Let's crank it up. Let's crank it up. But to the point that like shit is boiling to get, you'd be like, Oh God, let me get out of this pot.
Right. Let me get out of the water. Cause I'm, this is not comfortable. We want to maybe avoid that, but it's sometimes inevitable. Sometimes it's like, you're just, you're not listening we're very comfy doing our same shit every day.
Ruhi: We're a comfortable, but at the same time it starts getting terrible. We're just like, uh, because that's, I mean, our ego is like, this is all we know. So we're safe right now, but I don't feel good. Like this is terrible. Like life is not
Jennifer: Yeah.
Ruhi: no, but we're safe because we know what's going to happen.
Like this is predictable. so, and that's what your ego is there for. It loves you so much. It wants to keep you safe, [00:12:00] but being safe to the ego means no movement.
I always joke about this saying where if you ever saw World War Z with Brad Pitt, and he's like, those who hold still die, like movement is life.
It's I'll be going through Costco with my mom. I'm like, movement's life. Let's go. Cause it's so crowded. And if I get stuck, I'm like, we're just going to die. And, uh, but in all seriousness, we use it for everything. Cause I'll be like, yeah, man, if you're not moving, you're dying. Like. in a, in
of referencing that because it's true.
You're just, and it doesn't have to be movement. Like, Oh, your career isn't going anywhere or you're not. But I mean, even if it was just you reading a new book every week and
Jennifer: It's growth. It's, it's growth and expansion of like your, your idea of things.
Ruhi: Yes.
Jennifer: talking about this on my last episode saying like, we're always, I was talking about in terms of manifesting, we're always manifesting something. Even if we don't use the language of manifesting, we're always like, Seeking out something because the natural [00:13:00] order of the universe is expansion like when we look at space and the actual legit universe it's constantly expanding and so our natural state is to be expanding and that doesn't mean like I'm building a business that's like six figures seven figures eight figures it might be like I'm picking up a book about breathwork and I'm learning a new way to take care of my body and to nourish my nervous system and do things differently and if we're not moving it's when we get into that like.
Everything's fine. Let's keep everything the same. Everything is good. Like that's when stuff is actually not good. Like, Like, that's the danger sign to me where if it's like, no, everything's great. Let's keep, it's like, no, something's, something's like horribly off at that point,
Ruhi: Like that stagnancy. Even, after the blindfold has been removed. And we're like, okay, I'm discovering this. I'm healing this. I'm doing the work. And then you get to that void. And I know we've talked about this where there's like
Jennifer: the dark night of the soul.
Ruhi: Yes, the waiting and the [00:14:00] nothingness
Jennifer: I do not do well in that phase.
Ruhi: I don't
does, even though
it's a thing and it'll pass.
Jennifer: I fight it kicking and screaming with every. Ounce of my being. And I've learned that that's not because there's anything wrong with me. I'm not failing at anything. It just, I have a really, really well developed ego that is like.
I am going to make sure nothing bad happens to you again. And that comes from living through different traumas, right? Like if we didn't have an ego and we didn't have that part of our brain, that's like, I am like border control and like, nothing's getting in here. If you didn't have that part, we'd be dead.
No, to get rid of your ego. You need it. You need it. Otherwise, you're not human. Like, you'll be in that phase of your life or like your afterlife at some point. But like, while we're here on earth, we need our ego. So it's about like working with it and partnering with it. But when it gets to the dark night of the soul and it gets to the void where it's like, Nothing is happening.
And [00:15:00] the worst I find is like, when you get into that space where it's like, nothing is happening and it's just like tumbleweeds to get to that space of tumbleweeds, the universe has to take something and then take something else. And that's when your ego is like, what the fucking hell is going on? Cause it's like stuff is being removed and you're losing and things are dissolving and things are disappearing.
And you're like, Oh my good God, like everything around me is leaving and you start to panic. And then you get into this space where there's like, Nothing's happening. And that's where you have to really like look at stuff internally, externally, and start to build,
Ruhi: Buh bye old life by the time you get to the void, you're just like, whatever, I don't care. And then you're
point where now that I've made it that far and I'm in the nothing and there's like a lot of, it's gone. I'm like, Oh, what's next? Like, okay, I'm ready. I swear I'm ready. Like, let's go. Okay. Show me what that was for. Why did I go through that? Why, why, why, why?
Jennifer: You're not supposed to know.
Ruhi: The hardest part for me in the [00:16:00] void, one getting there, like you said, everything's getting taken away and you think, what is this happening to me? What's going on? Even though I remember specifically before I went through what I went through, I was like, Make me the person who has these things in this life, then
all hell broke loose, and like, shit hit the fan, and now looking back, I'm like, Oh, I got to become them.
Jennifer: You know what? What
Ruhi: Yeah.
Jennifer: underestimate or they don't understand the process of manifesting or becoming when they set their sights on like, I want to have this be this, that you're going to have to become that. And so it's like, if you want to be this person, who's like, I want fame or I want this, or I want like power.
I want to, you know, to climb in my career or I want like, whatever it is, you're going to have to turn into that person. And the process of turning into that person means you're going to have to learn certain lessons. You're going to have to become like numb to certain things. And I don't mean numb. Like you're disconnected, meaning like it just rolls off your back.
Like it's not important. And it's like, Oh, you want that [00:17:00] game on? Here we go. And it's like, they hit the red button and the universe is like, activate sequence, like this shit starts to come out. And most people don't want to deal with that. And it's like, well, if you want to have that, you're going to have to go through these certain experiences.
If you want to be a leader in a certain field or like a thought leader or whatever, it's like, you're going to need the life experience to share certain wisdom and stuff. And that comes from struggle. And that comes from pain. And that comes from processing it. And we think that when we're going through the crap that we're off track, but I would argue that the crap that you're dealing with, the battles is actually the track.
Ruhi: Yeah. Whatever you're going through is for your future self to use. To have in the toolkit you wouldn't have gotten there without that. You wouldn't be who you are to have made those decisions to get to where you're going without that happening to you.
Jennifer: 100 and it's not usually pretty.
Ruhi: no. And it sucks because [00:18:00] sometimes people are like, Oh, so you think I had to go through and it'd be like a devastating situation. And I'm like, would you be the person you are today though? Would you have these thoughts that you think, or this perspective, or this outlook on the world that's very unique to you without your very unique You know, experiences
it's no, they wouldn't, um, and it's crappy, but it's part of being human.
When we, we both truly believe, like when we're, when we die, it's like, Oh, awesome. Like, like we're no longer human. So the struggles of being human are not going to be there. Right. But we get to take all the good with us. And so, so it's just like, it's just right now. Like we'll figure it out. Like we're here to figure it out.
We're here to just enjoy the ride and,
Jennifer: And fuck it up along the way,
Ruhi: of course. Because if you don't, then are you even living? If you're not failing, you're not living. If you're not fucking it up, you're not living. If you're not royally, just so confused and lost at any[00:19:00]
a couple of times. Are you living?
Jennifer: Like I can see after death, you're like, you meet your spirit guides and they're like,
how many things did you fuck up? And you're like, nothing. I did everything perfectly. And they're like, go back and do it again.
Ruhi: I know, like,
Jennifer: Like, like go back and do it again. You didn't push the boundaries. You didn't take risks.
You didn't, you just stayed in your comfort zone. And so it's like, if you're not fucking things up. You're not really living. Like we're here to fuck things up.
I don't mean fucking things up, like with intention to like harm someone. And you don't go like, I'm going to fuck with you. Like fucking things up and like going to fuck with someone is a little bit different.
There's like a little nuance between there. So I'm not saying like, go out there and destroy and deploy like anarchy on people. But we're so uncomfortable with fucking things up. We're so uncomfortable with. Making mistakes.
Ruhi: Well, that comes from as a society, as we started to group together as people, if you messed up. Then you cause people their lives and you were kicked out [00:20:00] of the tribe and things will eat you, you will die , now it's
to mess up because we are beings that have conscious thought and and conversations and empathy and emotional intelligence where mess up and we'll be here for you.
And that
latest episode where it was like curating your community. You need people that understand what you have gone through or are going through.
Jennifer: Yes.
Ruhi: of that will save your life. I feel like whenever that does occur, but that's why I think it helped when we were just like, you said, it was so parallel where we just came together.
Jennifer: I don't even remember how you and I first met.
It was like a couple years ago, but then it kind of like split away. And so you came back and sent me a message like on Instagram and you're like, I was just thinking about you randomly. And I hadn't heard from you in a really long time.
And it was this like a period of a couple of months where I was like, just send me some people that are kind of going through the same thing. And then when you and I [00:21:00] started talking about what had happened in that time that we hadn't been talking, We had different experiences, but very similar experiences were like shit was hitting the fan in different things and different elements of our life.
Ruhi: were just unraveled in different
Jennifer: Yes.
Ruhi: Yours came through with a death in the family. And then mine was just world. I knew it, like whatever I had built the last four or five years crumbled and was gone. And I was like, so it was like whatever was normal to us or whatever was working out for us or however we saw our day to day life was just poof. Like no more.
Jennifer: For me there was a period of 18 months where.
I lost my job. They closed my teaching program that I was in and I got transferred to another place. I then decided to quit that job. I then had three deaths within six months in my family. , my car literally blew up twice.
Transmission just gone twice. So it was like car blowing up twice, job blowing up twice, three [00:22:00] deaths.
And then me like shotguns back into a relapse of PTSD. Cause I would PTSD diagnosis when my son was born, which I was like, not cool but. It equipped me with resources to deal with this 2022 year, this 18 months of like shit where the world was just like, like it was all unraveling.
And it got to this point of then where it was like, okay, now it's silent. And going through the deaths and the stuff forced me out of my business. Like I was like, I, we got to close the doors. I got to stop doing this. Like I can't right now. Cause I can't cope with like anything and put me into this like super deep, spiritual awakening and self development where it was like, really like, look at who I am, what's important, work on some skill sets and stuff.
And then it just like, for me, after I'd like been through this massive transformation, Because with any death, whether it's like metaphorical or like a real death, there's rebirth. And so for me, it was like death, death, death, death, death. It was like rebirth, rebirth, rebirth. And I came out of it and I was like, I am [00:23:00] not the person that I was 18 months ago.
And then looking at this business that I had, where I was literally telling people how to perform on social media to get an algorithm to like them so that they would then make money. I was like, this does not feel aligned. What I feel so called to is to help people uncover like their own path and their own like divinity and their own connection and their own like individuality.
Ruhi: Yeah.
Jennifer: we're done. We're shutting it down. I saw an intuitive reader, probably like five years ago, cause my son was like six months and like I was in my first bout of like wicked PTSD like just but I was like I got this baby I'm gonna go through the motions and like I had no knowledge of somatic experiencing, like I wasn't even meditating at that point. Anyways, this woman, the memory that flashed yesterday was her looking.
Ruhi: who you were. That is so weird.
Jennifer: I like five years
Ruhi: like, I didn't know that. And I'm like, wait, what?
Jennifer: didn't know any of that wasn't meditating. I wasn't [00:24:00] doing tarot reading.
I was a teacher in a highly specialized special education program. I was on maternity leave. My Brain and nervous system was falling apart, but I would thought I was going back to that life and she looked at me and she's like so they're showing me with like your book of life And she's like you're gonna be entering this phase where you're like, you're literally going to be ripping out a page Torching it ripping out a page tour and she's like and the whole book is gonna empty She's like, you're going to rip out every single, but I was like, lady, no.
Like, I was like, I remember leaving. I was so fucking mad. Cause I was like, how dare she tell me this? But she was like, you're going to pull out every single page from the book of your life. And she's like, and then you're going to write a completely different one. She's like a completely different one.
You won't even recognize it. And, uh, she was the lady at the end, as she was leaving the house, she came up to me and she was like, she's like, I never do this and I never tell people what to do, but she's like, I swear to God, if you do this and nothing happens, I'll like blow out my candle and I'll stop doing my work.
But she was [00:25:00] like, you got to go on YouTube. And I was like, I got to go on YouTube. I was like doing what? And she goes, I don't know. Slice apples for all I care. She's like, just get on YouTube.
Ruhi: Just
Jennifer: And so she's like, she's like, you got to be on YouTube. And I was like, Okay. And like, does it mean I have to be on YouTube?
Absolutely not. But it like her was, she was saying like, you need a platform where you're speaking to lots of people. And I was like, what the fuck am I going to talk about? I was like, okay, lady, like, see you later. Thanks. It flashed in my memory and my mind's eye last night.
And I was like, holy shit. She was right. I was like, I literally ripped out every single page over
the next five years. Do I wish it was a little bit faster? Oh, hell yes. Five years is a long fricking time, but like, I now feel like I have a new book. Do you know what I mean? And there's, it's not all written, but new chapters are evolving. People are so scared when I do readings and the tower comes up or death like those cards people were like, but like, you have to [00:26:00] destroy some stuff in order to transform, like, even the butterfly, you know what I learned the butterfly go I thought, oh, the caterpillar goes into the chrysalis chills for a little bit comes out as a butterfly actually disintegrates into nothing.
Ruhi: Goo. It's just
Jennifer: It disintegrates into goo. It goes from having a body and legs. It is like, to the point that you're like, you just look like slime. You should be dead. And then it comes out and it's like, I'm a butterfly. Like
that blew my mind.
Ruhi: that. I know. I'm just like, what?
Jennifer: Literally thought it, it hung out in there, dropped some legs and grew some new wings. I didn't know that it completely melted into like nothing. But I was like,
like, what a metaphor. Like you literally become a pile of shit. Before, before you come out and you're like, look at me world. Here I am.
Right.
Ruhi: You literally turn into nothingness. you come back, like what happened?
Jennifer: Like what a metaphor for life.
Ruhi: Yeah, no. And it's so true because like, you're talking about like, Oh, and these pages were getting ripped out. And I'm like, Whoa, ma'am, like slow [00:27:00] your roll. then when you're on the other end of it, it's like, Oh my God, I'm so thankful.
I couldn't imagine my life if I was still that person. Oh, if I wouldn't have gone through this, how sucky? I always tell people women will rediscover themselves and build their life multiple times. You get married, you have kids, you're just hormones here and there.
Like women were just really great at doing that. And we get used to it. I don't think we realize what we're doing though and how amazing we are at it. but remember when I went through that with my marriage there was infidelity and a divorce and I had three little kids and, and I went through a lot of shit during that time. And I was like, I knew for my sake, I had to forgive people. I didn't even care how I didn't even care why I didn't even they, to this day, unless she ever looks at podcasts or videos or anything, she wouldn't even know that I've done that, right?
Like that I've forgiven her because I had to do it long ago to set myself free. I always tell people forgiveness is an act of self love and it's a selfish thing you get to do for you has nothing [00:28:00] to do with the other person. When we got remarried. then it was a little like, I don't know if this is being stupid, like why, but when I saw him I met him, not met him. That's weird. See, it's like I met him again, but when he, when him and
together again and saw each other, it wasn't even the person I married the first time. Like when I have memories and I
Jennifer: And you weren't a person either, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Ruhi: kid to three because I had twins. I was in the middle of kind of going to school, but I was home all the time. I was not fulfilled which is my responsibility and only my responsibility.
And so I was not doing that for myself either. Was just this, It was just this, my world blew up and like we talked about, it was just nothingness after that. And when we got back together though, it's like, oh my gosh, I couldn't have imagined being 80 and old with him the first time we were married.
If that didn't happen, we wouldn't have the relationship we have today. [00:29:00] So without you burning down your world or like ripping up that book, like, I can't believe I. Wouldn't know who you are today,
Jennifer: I know, I know. And it's wild. Like if you go even like further back in my life, story, there was like a point where I would like call myself like an atheist, like a full blown you die and that's it, it's crickets
Ruhi: wow.
Jennifer: as a whole other story, but I wasn't like that before, like when I was a kid and like a teenager, I was really into spirituality and psychics and mediums and the universe and stuff.
And then there was this like period in my twenties where I like renounced all spirituality. I was somebody who literally used to roll my eyes at the concept of breath work. I remember like my doctor one day being like, you know, you should just like breathe like four in four.
I was like, Oh, fuck off lady. I was like, you think. Breathing is gonna fix this. Like I was like, you're nuts. Like I was like, yeah, okay. Okay. I'll just, I'll just breathe and everything will be fine. Uh, spoiler alert. It does [00:30:00] actually work like, but like, yeah. And I feel like for me, when I look at it, I feel like I had to go through that.
Uh, is it skepticism maybe? Um, And denial and disbelief, so that I understand that energy in people who I work with, or who I connect with. And so like, when I do a lot of like a lot of the content and stuff, I create, I, a phrase I always say to myself is like, it's woo woo with the how to.
And to like bring
Ruhi: Mm
Jennifer: with the spirituality so that it is understandable and why it works. Like the tuning forks videos that I have that go out there. Like so much science and research
Ruhi: yep.
Jennifer: but if you don't understand the science behind it, you're just like, yeah, okay, lady thing.
I'm free. I'm free. Everything's great. Like, you think, like, it looks crazy. Like, you think, like, I just whack a tuning fork and then everything's okay. And it's like, well, there's more to it than that. But I feel like I had to go through that, that spot so that I [00:31:00] understand that thought process that's going on.
Behind a lot of people's like running in their mind, right? So that,
Ruhi: Yeah. Yeah. No.
Jennifer: right? Like if I just drank the Kool Aid from day one I'd be off in the fucking clouds. I'd be living in like an alternate dimension in my head and I wouldn't be grounded. So that experience of being really.
Disconnected and not believing, I think, has helped ground me into the 3D because we live in the 3D, we live on Earth. Like, a good example of this is something my kid said this morning. He went, Ah, nuts, I forgot. And I said, what? He goes, I forgot about gravity. And I said, I go, what?
He had a toy in his hand. He goes, I was asking the universe to make my toy float, but then I forgot we have gravity here and I was like,
Ruhi: hmm.
Jennifer: And I said, yeah, you're right. I said, you know, you can ask the universe to help you with a lot of things and they'll do their best, but there are laws that apply to the earth.
Ruhi: funny.
Jennifer: is one of them. He's a very special child, but that's like just some of the things that come out of his [00:32:00] mouth. He's like, ah, fuck. I forgot about gravity.
Ruhi: He comes up with
Jennifer: I know a reason. He's my kid, I think. And there's a reason I'm his mom. I really believe that.
Ruhi: Oh, for
percent. Like there's
that. But
that that happened. Went after he was born that you saw her and went through all this because of how he is Because he's very into like
Jennifer: connected and very intuitive. Right.
Ruhi: Could you imagine not having a parent that was
Jennifer: Right. Exactly. If we look at him coming into this world five years ago, five and a half years ago, And where I was in my life and I wasn't meditating and I like journaling after like none of that shit was part of my day to day reality.
And then I had like the worst horrific birth experience that I could have possibly imagined. It just boom, like rock bottomed me into. Right, right. So it's like, because it made me start [00:33:00] looking at different ways of taking care of myself. It made me start looking at hypnosis, meditation, breath,
Ruhi: Mm
Jennifer: heavy different types of psychotherapy, like
Ruhi: hmm.
Jennifer: and it was shitty and awful, but it just sort of tipped me into this.
Like I'm going to learn how to heal and move through this and feel better. That's how it started. And then it just one thing led to another led to another led to dreams, led to terror, led to this, led to that. But I'm like, him coming into the world and being so connected spiritually. If I was still that person who thought everything was, like, meh, whatever, lame, not, not real, um, it makes me wonder how I would react differently to, like, when he tells me stories.
Like, this is a kid who would say things like, my grandparents, he's never met them, and, like, we'd be getting in the car, and he'd be, like, waving, and I'm, like, who are you waving at? He's, like, it's granny and gramps. They're standing on the, they're on the sidewalk. And I'm like, Oh, and I remember we were driving home once from Thanksgiving.
He's in the [00:34:00] backseat in his car seat. And he's like, mom, mama, who are these people in the car? And I'm like,
Ruhi: Yeah.
Jennifer: I don't, I don't know, honey, why don't you ask them? And he goes, they're not talking. I said, Oh, maybe they just don't feel chatty. And I'm like driving. And I'm like, who the hell is in my car? And he's like the one beside you, the man beside me.
And he said a woman beside him. And I said, well, they don't want to talk. And he's like, no. And I said, maybe they're just tired. But like, In my mind, I was like, what the actual shiz, like, what is happening? But, uh, and like, other times, like, after in 2022, when we had all these deaths, like, he told me he saw my dad at the window.
He said, like, he was the dog, like, he couldn't understand why I was bawling my eyes about, out about my dog Toby, and he was like, Toby's here. And I was like, what? He's like, come here. He was like pulling. He's like, he's right up there. And he was like pointing at the, see, he's up there, like up at the top of the corner of the room.
I was like, Oh yeah, he is. You're right. You're showing me, but I'm like, if I hadn't got to the point where I was like, Spiritually [00:35:00] aware and doing the things I would have been like, don't say that maybe, or I would have been like, whatever, like dismissive, maybe not. I don't think I would have been dismissive because that's not in my nature, but I probably wouldn't have like, then had a conversation with him about it.
So it's again, one of those things, like, did I want like the worst birth ever? Absolutely not.
Ruhi: no,
Jennifer: Absolutely not. I would never,
Ruhi: Yeah.
Jennifer: I would never wish that upon anyone. I would never wish anyone had to go through that. And it was one of the most like horrific experiences for me physically and like psychologically, but like, I can see I'm like, Oh my God, look at the doors that had opened up.
Does it mean that I look back and go like, I'm so happy I went through that? No, like,
can, right? Like, this is where I think there's a difference between gratitude and appreciation. Am I grateful and happy and like, Oh, I'm so grateful that I did that. No, but I can appreciate the role that it's played in my life.
Ruhi: That's how I think too. Cause like for me, I'll be so grateful for things cause I'm like, Oh yeah, I do that again. [00:36:00] But at the same time, you're like, okay, do I, do I have to? I mean, I'm very, uh, very thankful and appreciate that, but I don't ever want to experience that again.
time, that catalyst, it was like. we think back to things that throw us off of our parent, like off the track, we're on and like shove us to a whole different plane. It's like, it wasn't that, would it have ever happened? Or like, it had to be that almost, you know what I mean? Like,
Jennifer: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Ruhi: their spiritual or their awakening from many different experiences.
And luckily, God you didn't have to find this one out of a death. It was like health, like your body and your mind just went through the ringer on that. And it was
Jennifer: Yeah. My brain was blown open, I say, like, my brain was completely blown open and rewired in that experience. And then, because it was rewired through the trauma, I then was given the [00:37:00] opportunity to be a participant in the rewiring of it, right? You can rewire your brain anytime, like, that's the beauty of neuroplasticity,
Ruhi: Yeah.
Jennifer: to create new neural pathways and whatnot, but it is this, like, line in the sand for me, where I'm like, I was a completely different person before and then after, it 100, 100, 100 prepared me for 2022 where I went through.
Traumatic deaths and things like that. And I had like a little, Oh, this shit's coming up again. It's like, okay, we got this. I know what to do. Everything is part of your life story. Like everything is that we go through that we, and I really believe like to go back to you talking about CJ being the person that you're supposed to be with and being like, oh, that's why it's not because it's easy.
And it goes back to those soul families that I think we establish before we come, you know, and incarnate on earth. We pick certain people to learn certain lessons through and the people that are like the closest and the most important for you in your life are the [00:38:00] ones that are going to push you through growth.
And that's not always the easiest , Like it's people that pair up with you and say like, I'm going to teach you this lesson. And so there's probably something with like you and CJ where he's like, you know, he was like, okay, this is going to happen.
Then we're going to go through this divorce and this is going to help you become this person and then this person, and when we come together in this, like 2. 0 iteration of our life, you're like at the right stage characters. You're in the right costumes for wherever you're going.
Yeah.
Ruhi: the foundations there, right. Because I could tell you right now that like what we have gone through since then and then what we will continue to experience together, there's no way we would have been able to be as resilient or as, as strong, like, as you know, together in whatever we're going through, like they're unified.
I was, that's the word I
Jennifer: Yeah. Yeah.
Ruhi: and lean on each other. Because I know we've talked about manifestation at the very beginning of this, it comes full circle to like, you don't know the how, [00:39:00] and sometimes you don't know the why until a long time or ever, and to like tie in the void to that, it's like, while you're in the void, that's where all the whys, or how am I getting out of this, or how is this going to
from this to this? And I think that's where all the questions start too. But I think by our experiences and other people's, but also just every little thing, like I know I journaled on a lot of things I've gone through. helps us look back and be like, Oh, I've been in the void before.
Jennifer: The reading I did on Tik Tok yesterday was the three of wands and the hermit. And it was, um. When you're waiting for your ship to come in and you're you've already like set the thing out. The intention you've done the actions and you're just waiting for the ship to like dock.
Um, that is so important to like, go inward into your inner strength and like close down the laptop, like disconnect, like, because when you're bombarded with information and other people's results and other people's thoughts, you're like, that's when the Ch ch ch. Ch ch. Like the little n n n Nitter natters get going in your head and that's where it's like, you're going to get off course.
[00:40:00] And then you're going to change your action, which is going to change the ripple effect of like, whatever it is that you've cast out in terms of like an energetic cord to whatever it is that you're working on. We have to be able to sit when things are quiet and just sort of wait.
Ruhi: For some reason, because I've been growing my intuition, which has been a really fun, weird, wild ride, which we should do a whole episode about how
Jennifer: Yeah,
Ruhi: how I'm coming into mind being stronger.
Okay. It was the same thing of like,
having boundaries on the intake of what I'm taking in, like, that was a big thing for
Okay. Being in the
just having boundaries because I knew I could have boundaries about things, but not the information I'm taking in. So I don't scroll. I'm not like taking in
Jennifer: Yeah.
Ruhi: I was like, I just feel like I need to be present and not do anything except exactly where I'm at, when I'm at, like I'm, Cause I remember you read me a while ago and you're like,
just have to be present to not like miss something. And that was when I was like, yeah, I felt that, but
Jennifer: Yeah.
Ruhi: I'm still like, I [00:41:00] must sit and see
Jennifer: I'm going to read you what is like a good message for you?
Justice. Which is like a real balancing of the scales and balancing of like, just like everything is in order.
And then when the King of Cups came out, which is like that really masculine awareness of emotions, but being, um, not being above it, but not being like in it, like being able to sit above it and witness like the feelings and the emotional ups and downs that are going on without being like yanked around in it.
And I was like, Oh, that's neat. But then the Queen of Cups came out with it too. And so whenever the King of Cups and the like Queen of Cups to me, there's like, that's like a divine partnership element. But about this like balance being established between, like you and him that are the King and the Queen. I want a little more.
It is a story about, balance being established between, in the partnership
Ruhi: Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm.
Jennifer: which has to do with financial stability and security. We've talked about like your finances being [00:42:00] ups and downs with things like home sales, not being able to sell a home, all of that. It comes from you, like hermiting, we were just talking about this, like you shutting off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. and going inward so that you can practice a skill set. And so there's some sort of like, this is the card of like, you're really practicing a skill set, something that it is that's yours. And it's about turning off the noise and turn, like literally closing the laptop, not taking in other people's information, not taking in other people's content so that you go inward and you perfect and like develop a skill set.
The skill set, it has to do with where you're going to be making money and the money brings in The balance between you and him, I feel like you'll probably match him in terms of earning potential because right now it's not balanced. Right.
Ruhi: No, that's so funny though because you're like matched him and I'm like literally matching his income has been on my list for like a couple years now.
Jennifer: there's just this other storyline of like you working on financial success and stuff coming in that really creates [00:43:00] like, again, financial balance and stability. But it's like in this like deep inner wisdom, it comes from you shutting off everything else.
Ruhi: Well that's one of the reasons that I stopped being a coach and doing that. Cause one of the
of that financial need to help someone with their worries and this and that it was him.
Jennifer: Hmm.
Ruhi: so it's like, I can't help you. Like, you're not, it's one of those things where, you know, you ever see those money mindset people and they're like, whether you make a dollar or a billion dollars, there's still people who are not, their nervous system is not okay around money. And it's like, so it won't matter. So I kind of let that go. And I'm like, I'm going to do what I want to do. And I'll just be successful doing that. Not because of anybody or to prove
do something for somebody.
Jennifer: Well, the nervous system is so key. That's why in the manifesting magic playbook that I've got, it's all about acclimatizing your nervous system to whatever it is that you want, because any kind of change, your nervous system is going to register it as.[00:44:00]
That's why a lot of people win the lottery and then their life goes to shit because they're not equipped to handle it, right? Like we were talking about those life lessons that you have to go through that help you become that person. It's so that your nervous system is slowly being acclimatized to the change, not from here to here.
Or you'd be like, you, your brain would literally
Ruhi: Well, and it's so
really think this last year, year, well, year and a half, really almost two years was to prepare me for that to happen.
Your hermiting phase and working on a skill set is actually, for some sort of collaboration that comes out of it that has to do with finances where like people's skill sets come together to make something bigger.
Jennifer: So I feel like you go through this like hermiting phase where you cut off other people's content, you cut off other people and you go inward. And you work and develop some sort of skill set of yours. And as you do that, it brings in people or a person or an opportunity that you connect [00:45:00] with that provides like a new thing for you to like pour your heart and soul into, but it's financially successful.
So like report back when that happens.
Ruhi: Yeah, no, that's so funny because I'm not even, I don't even know, like, okay, remember you were talking about being blind to things and just being like, no, I don't want to do that.
Jennifer: Yeah. Yeah. So there's something, I feel like you're not supposed to work on your own forever.
Ruhi: Yeah, no, I've always known
mean,
Jennifer: Right. So, yeah,
Ruhi: yeah, I've had things in my mind that could keep popping up and I'm like, that's, what is that? Go away. I know that sounds terrible, but it's like,
a lot of work I really don't want to do, like,
Jennifer: yeah.
Ruhi: no, maybe that's my hermit phase is like, I will want to do all that work when I don't feel so bombarded, like day to day things is work, you know what I mean?
Jennifer: You're supposed to go inward and you're just supposed to shut out the noise.
Ruhi: Yeah.
Jennifer: there's like so many pentacles here. It's really interesting. Everything in your reading here is pentacles and cups. So it's all about financial [00:46:00] prosperity, stability, security, but also like deep emotional connection and relationships.
And there's the four pentacles and there's justice. So it's about balance, establishing balance in both of these areas. Like you'll have the balance. Um, but the major Arcana card here, like being the hermit, it's like, It's your inner wisdom and your inner knowing.
But also I think like hermiting in terms of like shutting off the noise, detaching from other information, detaching from outside influences or is going to let you like, get to work on a little project.
So, watch this space.
Thanks so much for chatting with me today. It's been eye opening and inspiring as usual.
Tell people how to find your podcast and stuff,
Ruhi: my podcast, randomly Ruhi with Ruhi. Is on Apple podcasts, of course, Spotify and then podcast addict. So,
it's just randomly Ruhi and there's, No other one called that. And there's not really a lot of rookies in the world, so it can't be that
Jennifer: That's right.
Ruhi: Mm
Jennifer: you put little audiograms [00:47:00] on Instagram as well, right?
Ruhi: Yeah. Every now and then I'll have like, uh, my Instagram which is Ruhe Drysdale. It'll, show some on there and then there's a link in my bio to go to it.
Jennifer: And I do like your stories that you put up on Instagram, because you never know what you're going to get.
Ruhi: yeah, it's random. And I think that's, that's my goal in life is just, just live how I want, which is randomly. Like
Jennifer: I love it. Awesome. All right. Thanks so
much.
Ruhi: Oh, thank you.

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